Ideenjonglieren im Alltag

Ideenjonglieren im Alltag
"Erwarte nichts - heute: Das ist dein Leben!" (Tucholsky)

Dienstag, März 25, 2003

Seit Sonntag steh ich morgens wieder auf! Und das obwohl ich gestern abend zwei Stunden mit Gerald (HH) telefoniert habe. Der hat eine Stimme, die geht durch und durch ... hui ... *g ... Recht belanglose Themen, aber eine merkwürdige Nähe obwohl wir erst zum zweiten Mal telefonieren, sehr angenehm ohne besonders aufregend zu sein. Ich mag männliche Stimmen, die sich frei bewegen, die eine Bandbreite haben zwischen laut und leise, die sich Laute trauen, die privat zu nennen sind, wohlige Laute als säßen wir nebeneinander. (Nein, es hatte nichts mit Telefonsex zu tun, ihr neugierigen ) Eine Stimme, die eher hell zu nennen ist, die durchaus eindeutig einem Mann zuzuordnen ist, die eine gewisse Androgynität vermuten läßt, die mich an André erinnert, die mich neugierig macht, die ich mag. Folgendes sagte ich dann auch: „wenn du nun hier in der Umgebung leben würdest, hätte ich dich schon längst mal eingeladen“. Zu offensiv? schmunzel ... die Tendenz habe ich manchmal vor allem, wenn ich mich mit jüngeren Männern unterhalte, merkwürdig. Vielleicht habe ich dann die Dinge, die Unterhaltungen und Entscheidungen lieber in der Hand? „Kommst du immer so schnell zur Sache?“ fragtest du mich am Anfang und bedauertest daß ich deinen Eingangssmalltalk vom Tisch zu kehren versuchte und ich lachte. Aber doch, da ist was dran. Statt mich erst einmal im Jetzt verbal zu orientieren oder mal still zu sein nehme ich sofort jedes Stichwort auf. Das heißt durchaus schon, daß ich zuhöre, aber vielleicht zu schnell bin und wenn mein Gegenüber nicht folgen kann, verbal davonpresche. Passiert mir aber vor allem dann, wenn ich mein Gegenüber nicht oder kaum kenne. Dann will ich eben MICH zeigen. Ich muß noch den frechen B. von finya mit dem recht harten Musikgeschmack mit diesem sinnlich-sanften Telefonierer in Übereinstimmung bringen. Es ist immer wieder interessant eingeschränkt durch die Zwänge der vorhandenen Kommunikationskanäle jemanden kennenzulernen. Aber ich bin da auch realistisch. „Nur“ um jemanden kennenzulernen fahre ich nicht nach HH. Wobei: ich muß zugeben mich zu freuen, wenn ich jobtechnisch dort bald mal wieder hinfahren könnte.*g

So now, tomorrow will be my English-Day, if I’ll get it to start with the paper to apply for participation for this conference on design and gender. Among lots of other things to do, first of all once again Sozialamt and lots of phone calls concerning bureaucracie *hmpf. ...
„Wie ist dein Verhältnis zum Finanzamt?“ – one question from the profile in finya comes to my mind ... pfhhhhhhhhhhh – don’t ask!.
I really can’t understand what the hell they are doing if I have to check out every single amount of money. Beeing unemplyed is a full-time job, the most time has to be fixed for the project controlling the work of the departments, expecially labor office and the one for social affairs, second is sitting in waiting rooms, third argumenting with the so called advisers, officers for a lifetime or should I say to death?
Today I had to write a short offer mail for a freelance project (a 32-paged magazin which is published 4 times a year) in english. Talked to the publisher later on the phone, a very nice american, I really like this accent it reminds me on Tony, my acting teacher. It is very low paid but I guess I HAVE to say yes tomorrow ... a possibility to gain experience in magazin DTP won’t be that bad. Further a member of the CCC, an actress, called me to ask if I design cards as well? Hey, that won’t be a problem, OF COURSE I can do that, I am a designer! J I have to make the changes for Steffens new card and letter design, too, but: all that stuff must wait until my mac will be healthy again. Who the hell can help me with that real existential problem??? I don’t have a network of jobpartners anymore, I still sufferfrom that, it’s a mess! There are two very very interesting jobs I still didn’t prepared the application because missing QuarkXPress and my patterns in my mac not doing a single pling! Problems everywhere ... that’s what I wrote to Ina and she made me smile with this phrase that problems like to join other problems and in my mind I came up with a funny very very strange tea party, like to say a mad tea party (big smile to Marc) where Miss Euro who has to be one of these british nurses, but with the figure of a clothes peg and this old fasioned golden buttoned purses meets Miss Illness with the grey thin hairs and hollow cheeks on her walking-stick complaining that Mister Wrong, the blond long haired and really not well-proportioned giant without any brains is allways late, which doesn’t really matter, throws the Miss Demotivation in, a blond secretary busy with their manicure throwing an eye on Mr. Impatience struggeling with the nearly sleeping Misses Yawn, because no one really likes his dumb babble. But what made me really frightened is the way they settled down in this nice living room myself! That’s MY home! What the hell can I do to say goodbye to them, these uninvited guests settled here for too much time? Hey, there comes my own private butler who feeds them with a „Quality Street“-can filled with my sorrows! I have to dismiss him, that’s the first thing I have to do! And stop worriing and feeding this Mad Tea Party which is good for really nothing except for the benefit of nursing and bringing up my own problems. I won’t check if I can trust my eyes that Miss Demotivation might really be pregnant, I remember of listening a chat between Miss Yawn and her best friend Miss NoSports on this rumor that Miss Demotivation had an affair with Mr. Technicalbreakdown AND good old Mr. Excuse. Oh no! Neither this nor that parents are what I want for a further child in my living room upstairs! And this whispering voice over the whole room made me crazy, please stop with your announcements Mr. Delighted. I won’t believe that my missucces has always to do with some esoteric question behind concerning destiny. „He he „ – you’re laughing meanfully – „Your Mac doesn’t want you to make new design orders – what else could it mean....?“ you singsang in the air. I don’t believe in every matter of fact in a meaning beyond things! I won’t! Not every illness is psycho-pathologic! (But when? When not?) I’m looking for cure ...have to care, to clean up my living room and to say good bye to this illustred society, even acceppt that I might kill some of them I got used to hang around on my sofa! But how? And who will clean up the blood-spots on the carpet?

This would be a nice short-film,eh? Well, still my phantasy works, haha. She – and the phantasy has to be female, I am sure, whisperd yesterday another (not that very new) idea, during talking to Gerald. We came up with another version of a scenery with „my“ „Rent-a-dream“-Agency, an idea I developed first time in one of the last calls with Mike, a very nice and endless funny as well as exciting „tool“ to ask for dreams and preferences and everything you want to with the wunderfull freeness to go as far as you want, to thrill reaching your boarders... no I don’t tell you everything ... *ggg This has real potential as a very good basis idea for a novel! What can I do to shut up you, Miss Demotivation to start with it, to start something??? Tomorrow evening I’m going to meet Ina, next evening dancing, yeah, I missed it for so terrible long as Saturday this Salsa-Disco has been closed. I have to do more sports! Even SOME sport. Well, I’m going to start when I will have my fasten week I am going to start in some days depending on when I will fix my party, this depending on my success in finding a new room which is less expensive. Unfortunately this very nice guys choosed the other girl beeing their roommate who has been with me there on saturday. Tomorrow too, I have a meeting with this internet-content-provider for whom I will do telephone marketing the next weeks. I really want to start finally! Now I have a look at this very intersting book I took from library today („Complaints to universe“ – ist the second book on „Orders from Universe“ – see in my linklist and have fun) and go to sleep with thoughts on remembering my dreams!

posted by Catherine | 3/25/2003 03:28:00 PM

Comments: Kommentar veröffentlichen